You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
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