At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
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