Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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