so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
