I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i would one night stand the shit outta him
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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