he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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