he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
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i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
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Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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