In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
