apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
i out mim tonsoeep
Randomize
