I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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