you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We just shotgunned beers for America
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
