Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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