Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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