He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Randomize
