Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
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