i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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