I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
