Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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