So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
