Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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