More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Randomize
