I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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