Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
