i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
