I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
