.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Randomize
