oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
