Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
