Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
