dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
