We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
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If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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