I wanna bring you to show and tell
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I want to fling myself into the sun
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
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