apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
