Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
