Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You need a sexual gate keeper
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
