She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
