i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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