is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He? As in you personified your dick?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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