We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
