dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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