you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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