Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
