Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Btw I puked in your glovebox
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
