I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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