after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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