So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
