Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
