the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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