Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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