Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
