At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
