Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
