Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
