We're facebook friends in real life
look no pants
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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