but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Randomize
