i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
