I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
