dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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