on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
