I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
