Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Randomize
