So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
