that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
