He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
