Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I think I just sharted jello shots
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
