I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
