well I can't set my house on fire every night
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
