i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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