dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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