New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
