what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
