All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
