dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
why is half of my head shaved?
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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