sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Randomize
