YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
